Trump’s Timecard: The Weekends of Trump on America’s Dime (February 11, 2017)

Americans are intensely interested in the movings and shakings of the man who can do it all, and will who will never forget the formerly forgotten. Trump will not rest, and will not take a vacation until Americans are winning so much they are sick of winning. He said it on tape, so you can take it to the bank.

Trump’s Weekend Diary (2017)

Weekend 01: January 21-22 Settling In

Weekend 02: January 28-29 Working from White House

Weekend 03: February 04-05 Golf Vacation, 2 Parties

Weekend 04: February 11-12 Golf Vacation, Foreign Visitor Entertaining

What I Did on the Weekend by Trump.45

Weekend 01: Stayed in New White House Digs

Changed Drapes in Oval Office (Friday)
Danced My Way With Wife (Friday night)
Lobbied for Votes at CIA Memorial Wall
Damned Ungrateful Women Marching Around Everywhere

Weekend 02: Stayed At Home Bachelor Style

Bunch of Phone Calls on my New Phone
Watched TV over Immigration Order Fallout Nonsense-Ruined Dinner

Weekend 03: Off to Florida (Mar-a-Lago) on Vacation

Wife Came Along
Couple More World Leader Type Calls
Got in a Round of Golf at Trump National West Palm
Fancy Dress Ball at Trump National (Red Cross)
Super Bowl Party Trump National -Went Home Early Boring Game

Weekend 04: Off to Florida Again

Wife Came Along
Put up Japanese Guests: My Treat
Got in a Round of Golf Trump Jupiter Club
Dinner with Foreign Guests (Twice)

Melania Trump & Akie Abe Tour Japanese Gardens in Delray Beach FL (02/11/17)

So, I have already discovered this being President stuff isn’t at all what it’s cracked up to be. There are too many impertinent questions, with losers dogging my every move. I don’t get my proper respect and deference. Those so-called judges are just chapping my ass, and everybody keeps telling me I have to listen to what they say.. No, I don’t. Who’s the President around here, anyway? I’m supposed to be in charge.

Back at Trump Tower, if I say jump everybody just does it and muy proto too. I thought this job was going to be at least a lateral transfer for me, if not a promotion. And I must say, even the plane leaves something to be desired in the accouterments category. My wife has been pretty darn scarce around the house as well. It’s been 21 days and I have only gotten her to take care of me for fewer than 9 of them. Today she’s off feeding some fish somewhere.

Melania Trump Feeding Koi During Japanese Garden Tour (02/11/17)

The good news is I have managed to hang out at my favorite place in Florida for two whole weekends, and play two rounds of golf at my own clubs. And I beat the stuffing out of that little foreign guy when we played today.

Donald Trump Playing Golf, Mulling His Next Drive

My new Oval Office phones are a blast to use, except I can’t tweet from them. But no one can keep El Presidente from his Twitter response time. Check for yourself. I have some neat audiovisual gear to keep up with the TV shows I like to watch. And I can be all natural, even in the morning and at night on Twitter. None of those pesky aides trying to tell me what to do, or what I can’t say when I’m in my private quarters. Those tough Secret Service hombres watch out and take care of me.

Double Page from The Lennon Diary (Aspen #7, 1969)

You know awhile ago I heard about some John Lennon diary that got published with his routine daily activities.* I bet my weekend accounts would be a World’s Number #!1 best seller, just like the Art of the Deal was when it came out.

I believe there is some serious coin to be made around here, if you just keep your eyes open and focus on the good stuff nobody else ever thought to do. I’m already in line to make about $2 million per month just from hat sales per for the foreseeable future after less than a month in charge.

I’m seriously looking into some sort of chocolate candy deal with my name on it, and I bet Frito-Lay would give me all the chips I could ever want if I were to praise them to some World Leader on the phone as a shining example of American business leadership and success, or maybe on Hannity’s show. Maybe they could make up a special White House Limited Edition Chip Flavor (like Hot Tamale Trump or America’s Always First) with my picture on the bag saying “You’re fired” to the Wise or Pringles brands CEO’s, or even both at once. I always did want to make an iconic food product appearance, like on a box of Wheaties. I need to get my crack legal staff on that one starting first thing Monday morning.

The Trumps and Abes Having Dinner at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club (02/10/17)

Oh well, thoughts for another day. I have to get ready for dinner with that lousy playing Japanese golfer and his wife now. I hope Melania is ready. I don’t like to be kept waiting for my dinner. The chef is serving a special version of the Mr. Trump’s Wedge Salad** to all my guests, especially in honor of my exquisite gourmet food palate.